For her.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I have a friend who has been battling the blues lately. [Pause.] No, that's not right. She is depressed, plain and simple. "Battling the blues" sounds like a trip to the lollipop parade compared to what she has been going through. I have been thinking about and worrying about her for weeks now and have put a lot of thought into this post. This is dedicated to her.

This girl and I, we've been through a lot. (We now know, for example, that politics are not a topic we can discuss over fondue and drinks.) This is the same friend, however, who wrote me an email after my dad died, an email I've saved for seven years now, that said, "You can call me anytime to talk or I can come over and we can do artsycrapsy together and not talk. I love you so much." I think that anyone who uses the term artsycrapsy (one word) in an email to a friend who has lost a parent is to be applauded. This is someone who has comforted me when my heart felt like it was breaking (repeatedly telling me during one breakup, "Oh, he'll rue the day and be begging you to take him back in a week!") and who once had to be physically restrained to keep from beating up a girl who talked smack about me. She is more like a sister than a friend and, like a sister, she drives me the same distance to crazy that I drive her. Through it all though, she is family and when your family needs you, you gather around them for support - even when you don't know what you can do.

It seems to me that we see our friends in the same glowing light that we wish we could see ourselves. We see them as the funny, fragile, beautiful, kind, intelligent, flawed, lovely people that they are. We see their good intentions, the challenges they've overcome, their big hearts. This is how I see my friend and how I wish she saw herself. She is probably the most beautiful woman in the world, but she has no idea. She can be the sweetest and most endearing person you could ever hope to meet and to have her hurting, literally, hurts me. I think we feel the most powerless when we can't make the people we love feel better. It is in these moments that finding the right words feels impossible, but I will try...

What I will say here is that, dear friend, things will get better. Someday, not far from now, you will wake up and feel what you haven't felt in some time - happy, hopeful and whole. You will look in the mirror and see what I see - a gorgeous, intelligent, loving, precious person who has the whole world before her. The heaviness around your heart will lift and you will laugh again. Don't shake your head. You will. I promise. What I know for sure is that I love you and will hold your hand through anything.


  1. Hi honey...your blog is WONDERFUL....and you are so right, when you can't help a person you love so much to feel at least some better, it is one of the hardest things to endure. I love you.