Lately, I have to keep reminding myself, "Kathleen, this is the hard part."
In life, there are plenty of these hard parts. The times we look back on later and think, "I can't believe I got through that." The hard part paves the way to the good stuff and that, that little reminder right there, is what I repeat to myself 72 times a day.
Both my sister and my best friend recently said to me, "You know, you've really had a hard couple of months." It's funny because I thought I knew that, thought that was a given, but when they acknowledged it to me, it seemed to almost give me permission to acknowledge it to myself.
You see, like everyone, I get down in the dumps and throw myself a little pity party for one every now and again, but I never lose sight of how lucky I am. Some of my world travels have left a permanent tattoo on my heart and this tattoo never lets me forget how incredibly fortunate I am. That said, sometimes a gal just needs to be able to say, "Wow, this has been tough."
And it has.
Between the knee injury (and surgery, physical therapy, crutches, a hideous brace, immobility and pain) and finding out I had to go back to graduate school for a quarter rather than accepting two dream jobs that were offered to me, my late summer and fall have had more than their fare share of setbacks.
The latest chapter in the book I'm writing - tentatively titled "This is Really Freaking Hard" - details my new job. You see, about two weeks ago, I started a job as an intake counselor at a psychiatric hospital. (Working the graveyard shift, no less.) While this has been an amazing opportunity and I am exceptionally grateful for the chance to get my foot in the door with a great company, this position is really challenging for me. I am entirely out of my element and doing things I've never done before and, to be perfectly frank, am not terribly gifted at. Although I know I'll look back at this time and appreciate being pushed out of my comfort zone, I am filled with anxiety right now. You know the feeling when you think you'll never, ever get it? That feeling describes how I feel pretty much 99 % of the time lately.
One of the things that has been getting me through this rough spot is knowing I can soon go home for the holidays to see my family... Well, unfortunately, this is the part in the post where the violin music needs to be cued. (Do you hear it? You do? Great.) Yep, I just found out I have to work Christmas Eve, Christmas day, New Year's Eve and New Year's day... and I am heartbroken.
My point in all of this isn't just to whine. My point is that this, this right here is the hard part. I was reminded of this when my tire blew out on the freeway earlier today and I was just sitting there, waiting. Waiting to get through the hard part. The good news? When you're knee high in the hard part's mud, it just means the good stuff is on its way. I just have to wash off my feet and wait it out.