The Highs and Lows
of Carrying the Little One.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I'm just going to put it out there, friends. Most of the time, I'm not the biggest fan of pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it by any means, but I am not one of those women who feel like my best self during this time. Not by a long shot.

First of all, there's the exhaustion. The first trimester felt like I had been shot by a tranquilizer gun every single day, then things improved in the second trimester and now that I'm entering my third, I am ready for bed by three o'clock daily. Seriously. Oh, and then there are the headaches. The mind numbing make-you-want-to-cry headaches. Let's not forget the little aches and pains either. The ones that, after a while, you just become accustomed to as your new norm. Oh, and the lack of good sleep. Good god, the lack of sleep. The waking every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom. I assume this is just the universe's way of preparing me for life with a newborn, but this isn't helping the exhaustion. And last, but not least, is my personal favorite, the burping. The constant, sometimes several times a minute for hours burping. Oh, and the accompanying heartburn. Yeah, those are my favorites.

But then there is a day like yesterday. A day where you have one of those scares that leaves you shaking and crying and clutching your stomach. A day where even the religiously uncertain will turn to prayer. A day you realize, even more than on the ones that preceded it, how much this little person you've never met has come to mean to you and how you would do anything to keep her safe.

After the long, quiet space of waiting, the doctor finally comes in and tells you today is not for crying. And he shows you your baby - the baby you have only seen one other time when she was just a tiny little thing that was hard to make out - and you see that face. That perfect little human face that you almost think is looking right at you to tell you everything is okay. And the doctor is giggling because she opens her mouth like a little fish to drink.

And, just like that, there she is: the love of your life. And all the heartburn and the burping and the exhaustion is gone and all that remains is gratitude and love.

I love you, little baby, with all my heart.


  1. I am not pregnant...uhhh duh. BUT I want to bookmark this post for when I am because it's so damn honest and heartfelt and I'm sure so many women have read this and nodded their heads in agreement. And then the second part-my heart dropped when you told me what had happened, even though everything is totally fine. The little bug is loved by so many already, including her bug-aunt. (people must think I'm so weird)
    You are her mama for a reason, and she's going to be the luckiest girl in the world. LOVE YOU BOTH.