In the last eight weeks, I've blogged three times. In the month of July, I blogged once. I suppose this is natural when one becomes a new mother, but I find myself wishing I had the energy, time and even desire to open up my laptop and write the way I once did. However, let's be honest here for a minute... I don't have a lot to write about, or talk about for that matter, other than the experience of new mamahood and my sweet baby girl, Violet.
These days, life is pretty much baby coos and trying to implement sleep schedules and what stain remover will erase poo and why does she hate her car seat and my goodness she's pretty and does my dog feel neglected and how will I ever leave her at daycare next month and trying to fit in a date night and love. Lots and lots of love.
More than anything else, time is now spent shifting and reorganizing my days to fit a love so large there is very little room leftover. And perhaps that's the challenge in itself, to squeeze out any extra space. Space for your relationships, space for a fulfilling career, space just for the things that make you, well, you, even when that you feels almost unrecognizable post little new person. And sometimes the things that make you who you are feel ridiculous in your new life as a mother, but man, sometimes we need to feel like our ridiculous selves for just a fleeting moment.
So, instead of spending one more moment of my Wednesday morning wondering if it will take longer to make it look as though I've taken a shower or actually just take one, I've decided to list some of the things I've been thinking about in these last few weeks that do not include my new addition. And, yes, they are all ridiculous. Here goes...
- Scientology. Yes, you read that right and, yes, it really all started with the Katie and Tom divorce. After news of the TomKat split made the rounds, I found myself researching Scientology articles during every late night Violet feeding. Before long, I was forwarding articles to my best friend (who states I now have a Ph.D. in Scientology), watching documentaries with my sister, sharing conspiracy theories with my brother-in-law and reporting on all my findings to my mom. I find it fascinating and altogether terrifying. Next time you see me, let's talk about it. Seriously. Oh, and if this blog post mysteriously disappears, well, let's just say the church frowns upon criticism.
- This book. Sure, it might take me the rest of my life to finish, but this is one great book and I love every moment I get to steal away and read it.
- ABC Family. I know, it's weird. (Well, perhaps not any more weird than admitting I spend at least 60% of my very limited free time preparing for a research paper on Scientology I'll never write. Oh, but I could, Tom Cruise. I could.) Between Pretty Little Liars and my newest guilty pleasure, Beverly Hills Nannies, I heart my ABC Family iPhone app.
- Hollywood gossip. When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight. Sometimes I guess I still do. This is clear when I call the best friend to fill her in on the latest breaking news from the Jackson family feud to the Twilight breakup. What can I say? I like to stay informed.
- This album. When I'm driving, I'm dancing to these songs. When I'm at my desk at work, I'm dancing to these songs. When I'm putting on my makeup for the three days a week I'm now at said work, I'm dancing to these songs. Enough said.
So, there you have it. Even though my whole world has been turned upside down and transformed by Violet and my love for her, underneath the lullabies and the burp cloths and the late nights, I'm still me. Ridiculous, silly, pop culture loving, Scientology fearing me.