Dear Violet.
{Month Two}

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Dear Violet,

I don't know how we got here so quickly, sweet girl. It feels like just yesterday I was waiting to meet you and now here we are. With your wide blue eyes and your round, perfect tummy, you are so much bigger than you were when we first met, when your tininess took me by such surprise.

Looking back at your first month, I see now how terrified I was. Terrified by how much I loved this new, little person who needed me so entirely. From the lack of sleep to the constant, frantic middle of the night web searches, those days flew by in a blur of chaos and love. In your second month, I learned to trust my instincts as your mama, slow down and relax into days where the only thing accomplished was snuggling you in the rocking chair, gazing at your beautiful face. (I also learned, much to your dad's delight, I'm sure, how to take a shower when I was home alone with you. This is a big deal in new mama-land, my dear.)

During your second month, we went on the first of many adventures together. We spent two weeks in Washington, one in Seattle at your Auntie Monica's and one in your mama's hometown with Gram. Although I was scared to death to fly with my almost six week old, you were an angel throughout the flight and everyone commented on what a good baby you were. Sitting on that plane, holding you close to me, I beamed with pride for both of us, knowing this was just the beginning of a lifetime of travels and fun. When I was a little girl, my favorite thing in the world was traveling with my family and I was so happy to start sharing this love with you, my little companion. I hope that someday, when you are grown, you will be as excited to see me as I was that day to see my own mother. And our time in Washington was so special. From meeting your adoring cousins, to your Uncles, Michael and Danny, to going to the beach for the first time, to taking long walks every day, your two weeks in the Pacific Northwest were filled with good times and people who just couldn't get enough of you.

In your last letter, I wrote that you smiled at me at the end of your first month. Those smiles kept coming throughout your second month and, I promise, each was as special to me as the first and filled my heart with such happiness. I know that someday soon, I will come to expect your smiles, but for now, they leave me  overwhelmed with delight, wonder and, more than anything else,  love.

I don't know what I did to deserve you, Violet, but the privilege of being your mother is my greatest joy.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love, Mama

{photo taken by the lovely Kimberly}

When Bloggers Become Mothers.
{Is there anything else to write about?}

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

In the last eight weeks, I've blogged three times. In the month of July, I blogged once. I suppose this is natural when one becomes a new mother, but I find myself wishing I had the energy, time and even desire to open up my laptop and write the way I once did. However, let's be honest here for a minute... I don't have a lot to write about, or talk about for that matter, other than the experience of new mamahood and my sweet baby girl, Violet. 

These days, life is pretty much baby coos and trying to implement sleep schedules and what stain remover will erase poo and why does she hate her car seat and my goodness she's pretty and does my dog feel neglected and how will I ever leave her at daycare next month and trying to fit in a date night and love. Lots and lots of love.

More than anything else, time is now spent shifting and reorganizing my days to fit a love so large there is very little room leftover. And perhaps that's the challenge in itself, to squeeze out any extra space. Space for your relationships, space for a fulfilling career, space just for the things that make you, well, you, even when that you feels almost unrecognizable post little new person. And sometimes the things that make you who you are feel ridiculous in your new life as a mother, but man, sometimes we need to feel like our ridiculous selves for just a fleeting moment.

So, instead of spending one more moment of my Wednesday morning wondering if it will take longer to make it look as though I've taken a shower or actually just take one, I've decided to list some of the things I've been thinking about in these last few weeks that do not include my new addition. And, yes, they are all ridiculous. Here goes...

- Scientology. Yes, you read that right and, yes, it really all started with the Katie and Tom divorce. After news of the TomKat split made the rounds, I found myself researching Scientology articles during every late night Violet feeding. Before long, I was forwarding articles to my best friend (who states I now have a Ph.D. in Scientology), watching documentaries with my sister, sharing conspiracy theories with my brother-in-law and reporting on all my findings to my mom. I find it fascinating and altogether terrifying. Next time you see me, let's talk about it. Seriously. Oh, and if this blog post mysteriously disappears, well, let's just say the church frowns upon criticism.

- This book. Sure, it might take me the rest of my life to finish, but this is one great book and I love every moment I get to steal away and read it.

- ABC Family. I know, it's weird. (Well, perhaps not any more weird than admitting I spend at least 60% of my very limited free time preparing for a research paper on Scientology I'll never write. Oh, but I could, Tom Cruise. I could.) Between Pretty Little Liars and my newest guilty pleasure, Beverly Hills Nannies, I heart my ABC Family iPhone app.

- Hollywood gossip. When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be Mary Hart from Entertainment Tonight. Sometimes I guess I still do. This is clear when I call the best friend to fill her in on the latest breaking news from the Jackson family feud to the Twilight breakup. What can I say? I like to stay informed.

- This album. When I'm driving, I'm dancing to these songs. When I'm at my desk at work, I'm dancing to these songs. When I'm putting on my makeup for the three days a week I'm now at said work, I'm dancing to these songs. Enough said.

So, there you have it. Even though my whole world has been turned upside down and transformed by Violet and my love for her, underneath the lullabies and the burp cloths and the late nights, I'm still me. Ridiculous, silly, pop culture loving, Scientology fearing me.